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The Scene

The scene is getting intense by the moment. I am running against time here. I am so used to it now that it really doesn't matter in that terms to me anymore. Things don't bother me on that plane. It is the other planes that have gone completely tangential to my life and myself. These are a tad bit worrying at times. Otherwise who really cares how it goes on any test? All is fate and nothing but fate. We can be instruments at the hands of fate and if we are lucky and work hard we can be good instruments. But we can not be fate itself. So why bother beyond a certain point? Why bother at all? I am not preaching any sort of complacency because that is the ultimate sin in my dictionary. All I mean to say is one must have sound and firm ground to fall back on in case it is needed. In my case I need to fall back on a lot of times and that has made me develop a firm belief on the inevitability of inevitable.
I did miraculous work just day before yesterday. Did some satisfactory work yesterday and will be finishing this day on a high note as well. I am starting to see that I have to work very very hard to accomplish what I have set for and that is simple logic. But the real problem is that I have this inherent tendency to complicate fairly simple tasks. Simple phenomenon can be so complex and interwoven that one can hardly see all the nitty gritty from the surface. My task is also not that simple it has a lot of hiccups too. Some to be expected and others just will spring out of nowhere, I am sure. But again didn't I believe in fate and that demands that I let it be. Let everything be in the end.
Tell me what does anything matter at all? In the real terms, in the real worth, is anything worth what it is said to be? Do things, people, places, objects, phenomena, laws, by-laws, feelings, emotions anything and everything has any real worth or significance? I really wouldn't be a judge on that. Simply because I fail to see any real purpose to our lives. We live and die and spend our lives on hope. Hope is such a delicate nick name for fate. In the end everyone and everything is forgotten, and even if not so, stops mattering to anyone and everyone. Who cares if Alexander conquered the world? Who cares if Bush does the same? Who cares if a child dies every 20 seconds? Who cares if another is born every other? Who cares Pakistan wins or looses its interests in the world? Who is that ultimate judge who really cares? Don't tell me its God who cares because He does not. Simply because He does not need to and He is above all this petty human life. He is beyond all this _ or is He? I wouldn't be a judge to that either. I believe in His omnipotence and omnipresence and this requires me to believe and hope that He will give me an answer one day!
Till that day I am doing what everyone is doing _ spending their lives just for the sake of spending their lives. I have no desire to be a big gun or anything. I just don't want to be like everyone else around me. Helpless and hapless.
Yes Matchbox 20 is one of my favourite bands.

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